I am usually not a very good at English, because of the fact that I don’t like to write very much. I also feel like I wasn’t good at writing. It didn’t come very easy to me, so that is why I didn’t like English. I had never been a member of a site where I had a blog and was able to write, so this was new to me. It was also new to me that I had to write a blog every day. It had been a few years that I took English and I wasn’t sure how I was going to make the deadline and come up with 750 words. I think I surprised myself, because I actually enjoyed writing every day. It was time to myself where I could reflect on certain times in my life. I liked being assigned what to write, but it being about something that happened to me in me life and not about something that happened several hundred years ago to other people in biographies and research papers. I was dreading having a summer class and it being English, but I think it turned out in a positive way and I really learned a lot that will help me in other classes.
We were to read a short story every day and then respond to questions about the story. I was thinking we would get easy questions and be able to answer them in just a few short words. I was definitely wrong about this one. The questions really made me think about what was going on in the story and made me think outside of the box. It would take me a long time to think of answers to the questions and it was tough for me in the beginning. After some time and practicing reading and writing every day, I think I was able to improve and think of the answers right away. I didn’t think I would learn so much over an online class to tell the truth, but this class made me think in ways I hadn’t thought in a long time.
After reading and completing the questions about the story I would then being brainstorming for the essay that we were assigned. Again, I liked how the essay was to be about ourselves and something that happened in our life. I was able to write from my own personal experiences, but also tie it into what the reading was about that day. To begin brainstorming, I would print out the worksheet if it was given and I would start to write down my ideas. I would think of anything that would come to my mind about the topic and start to make a spider web like drawing. More ideas would pour out of my mind and I could elaborate on the subject. After I had a few ideas, I would pick the one that I could write more about and begin to write my essay. It was so nice and easy to be able to write about something that meant a lot to me. When I was writing about my friends and family, all my thoughts and emotions would come out in my writing. I felt so laid back and I didn’t mind having to write a lot, because it was fun writing about the things I love. I think the readers would appreciate reading an essay that had thought and emotion in the writing, I know I would. In high school, I was always assigned books that I wasn’t able to understand and given writing topics that I couldn’t relate to, so I hated English classes. I think that was why I was dreading having this class and especially because it was an online class. I tried to stay open to new ideas and ways of writing and I actually enjoyed it.
When I was done writing I would then go back and revise. The notes on blackboard were of good help to me when I was looking over my essay. Like everyone else I read over my mistakes and I don’t catch any errors that I had in my paper. It was very helpful to have the notes on how to write effective paragraphs. It had been awhile that I had an English class and I needed to brush up on my skills. I would take a break from my writing to let my mind have a rest and then I would come back fresh and revise my essay. I found this to be very effective and I was able to catch some mistakes.
In all I liked having this class and I think I learned a lot. I normally don’t like writing, but the writing I was assigned for this class was fun and I was able to write about things that were important to me. I also enjoyed being able to see what my other classmates were writing. I liked being able to read and revise their essay to help me later on. I am glad I took this class and I will take what I learned from it and apply it to classes that I will take in the near future.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Amy H - Classification & Division Blog
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be classified and/or divided into groups?
I thought the introductory paragraph was very interesting, because I wanted to know more about the cliques the author was writing about. It was also humorous, so it made me want to continue reading. The introduction is classified and divided into groups very clearly, because I knew from that paragraph what the author was going to write about.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the classification and/or division? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“These are the groups you should look for, and remember decide wisely which you group you will be in.”
3. Is the writer’s basis of classification clear (see “Notes on Classification and Division” posted August 12th)? Why or why not? By what means is the writer grouping his or her subject matter?
Yes, the writer’s basis of classification was clear, because I was able to understand it. The author took each group and then clearly stated what that group was and consisted of.
4. Are the groups or categories clearly defined and uniquely named? Do any seem to overlap or appear oversimplified or based on stereotypes? Explain.
All the groups were clearly defined. I liked how the author used their creative side and made it very unique. I think some of the groups were stereotyped, but I feel that it was hard to not use them. Most schools are alike and if that was the experience the author had then it was right to use the groups the way they viewed them.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think the paragraphs were arranged well and didn’t need any changes. The paragraphs were connected smoothly and logically. I didn’t have any problems going from one paragraph to the other, so the transitions were done well.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s classification and/or division?
The paragraphs were very well detailed at the beginning. I would suggest to the author to make more details near the end of the essay to make it more effective.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
All the writer’s paragraphs were unified and coherent. I don’t think any paragraphs were irrelevant or out of order.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think the writer could have made the conclusion with more details and been able to sum up the rest of the essay. It went a little short, but the one liner did have a great affect on the reader. The body paragraphs were well detailed though.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
I thought the sentences were effective and the author used commas correctly. There weren’t many errors. I would suggest to the author to double space after each paragraph to make the distinction between each one.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked reading this essay, it was humorous and made me want to keep reading. I also liked how the author grouped each clique and wrote about it in detail. The only improvement that I would suggest is to make the conclusion longer and sum up the rest of the essay in that one paragraph.
I thought the introductory paragraph was very interesting, because I wanted to know more about the cliques the author was writing about. It was also humorous, so it made me want to continue reading. The introduction is classified and divided into groups very clearly, because I knew from that paragraph what the author was going to write about.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the classification and/or division? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“These are the groups you should look for, and remember decide wisely which you group you will be in.”
3. Is the writer’s basis of classification clear (see “Notes on Classification and Division” posted August 12th)? Why or why not? By what means is the writer grouping his or her subject matter?
Yes, the writer’s basis of classification was clear, because I was able to understand it. The author took each group and then clearly stated what that group was and consisted of.
4. Are the groups or categories clearly defined and uniquely named? Do any seem to overlap or appear oversimplified or based on stereotypes? Explain.
All the groups were clearly defined. I liked how the author used their creative side and made it very unique. I think some of the groups were stereotyped, but I feel that it was hard to not use them. Most schools are alike and if that was the experience the author had then it was right to use the groups the way they viewed them.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think the paragraphs were arranged well and didn’t need any changes. The paragraphs were connected smoothly and logically. I didn’t have any problems going from one paragraph to the other, so the transitions were done well.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s classification and/or division?
The paragraphs were very well detailed at the beginning. I would suggest to the author to make more details near the end of the essay to make it more effective.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
All the writer’s paragraphs were unified and coherent. I don’t think any paragraphs were irrelevant or out of order.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think the writer could have made the conclusion with more details and been able to sum up the rest of the essay. It went a little short, but the one liner did have a great affect on the reader. The body paragraphs were well detailed though.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
I thought the sentences were effective and the author used commas correctly. There weren’t many errors. I would suggest to the author to double space after each paragraph to make the distinction between each one.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked reading this essay, it was humorous and made me want to keep reading. I also liked how the author grouped each clique and wrote about it in detail. The only improvement that I would suggest is to make the conclusion longer and sum up the rest of the essay in that one paragraph.
Damara H - Cause and Effect Blog
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be analyzed? Can you tell if causes (a number of television programs or characters), effects (positive influences or benefits), or both will be emphasized?
Yes, I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting. The writer wrote about a few shows that had influence on their life and then transitioned into the body paragraphs explaining other shows and characters.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the analysis? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I don’t think there was a clear thesis statement, but the writer writes in his first paragraph about the television programs that they thought were positive influences on themselves.
3. Does the writer include a sufficient number of programs or characters (cause) and positive results (effect)? Why or why not? What other causes or effects should the writer consider?
Yes, the writer included many different tv shows and characters that had a positive effect. I thought the writer could have included more information about how the positive influenced their life more and gave examples of it.
4. Are the causes/effects reasonable or believable and not too far fetched? Does the author make any creative connections or offer anything that surprises you—or does the analysis seem obvious? Explain.
I think the causes/effects were reasonable and not far fetched at all. I was able to relate to some of the tv shows they talked about because I too watched the same shows and had a positive effect. I also think the author made some creative connections when explaining the characters, because I watched the same shows and they brought new ideas to my attention.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The paragraphs in this essay I thought were arranged well, but maybe the author could have grouped the tv shows and characters together more effectively. They were also connected to one another smoothly and logically and the transitions were good, because the paragraphs flowed nicely.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s cause and/or effect analysis?
I think the author did a good job of explaining the tv show and the characters, but I think it would have been more effective if they wrote more about how the characters influenced their life and give examples.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
All the writer’s paragraphs were unified and coherent. There were a few misspellings and some word phrases were used incorrectly, but they can be corrected easily.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Yes, the writer has fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction. The writer started the paragraph about how tv shows and characters had a positive influence on them and they went into writing about the characters and why they were a positive influence. The conclusion could have been improved by being little longer in summing up the essay in one paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
I thought most of the sentences were effective, but there were a few misspellings and some grammatical issues.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought this was a good essay to read and I was able to relate to it very well. There was good detail, but there were some misspelled words and there were a few words used incorrectly. Also the author could have added more examples on how the characters and tv shows affected their life. Other than that it was a good essay and fun read.
Yes, I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting. The writer wrote about a few shows that had influence on their life and then transitioned into the body paragraphs explaining other shows and characters.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the analysis? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I don’t think there was a clear thesis statement, but the writer writes in his first paragraph about the television programs that they thought were positive influences on themselves.
3. Does the writer include a sufficient number of programs or characters (cause) and positive results (effect)? Why or why not? What other causes or effects should the writer consider?
Yes, the writer included many different tv shows and characters that had a positive effect. I thought the writer could have included more information about how the positive influenced their life more and gave examples of it.
4. Are the causes/effects reasonable or believable and not too far fetched? Does the author make any creative connections or offer anything that surprises you—or does the analysis seem obvious? Explain.
I think the causes/effects were reasonable and not far fetched at all. I was able to relate to some of the tv shows they talked about because I too watched the same shows and had a positive effect. I also think the author made some creative connections when explaining the characters, because I watched the same shows and they brought new ideas to my attention.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The paragraphs in this essay I thought were arranged well, but maybe the author could have grouped the tv shows and characters together more effectively. They were also connected to one another smoothly and logically and the transitions were good, because the paragraphs flowed nicely.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s cause and/or effect analysis?
I think the author did a good job of explaining the tv show and the characters, but I think it would have been more effective if they wrote more about how the characters influenced their life and give examples.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
All the writer’s paragraphs were unified and coherent. There were a few misspellings and some word phrases were used incorrectly, but they can be corrected easily.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Yes, the writer has fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction. The writer started the paragraph about how tv shows and characters had a positive influence on them and they went into writing about the characters and why they were a positive influence. The conclusion could have been improved by being little longer in summing up the essay in one paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
I thought most of the sentences were effective, but there were a few misspellings and some grammatical issues.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought this was a good essay to read and I was able to relate to it very well. There was good detail, but there were some misspelled words and there were a few words used incorrectly. Also the author could have added more examples on how the characters and tv shows affected their life. Other than that it was a good essay and fun read.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Michael D - Compare and Contrast Blog
1.Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be compared and/or contrasted?
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting and I wanted to know more about who the two people the writer was comparing and contrasting. The writer clearly stated who the two people were, his mom and dad.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the comparison and/or contrast? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“They of course had no choice, but they were they first people I saw and of course loved, so it is only right of me to talk about them and compare them, because they in no way are similar.”
3. Does the writer establish a basis for comparison (see “Notes on Comparison and Contrast” posted August 9th)? Which points of comparison and/or contrast need further development? Which points should be deleted? Where do significant points seem to be missing? How has the most important similarity or difference been emphasized?
Yes, the writer established a basis for comparison by comparing his mom and dad. I think the writer could have added more about how his mom and dad were different. There was information, but more points could have made and essay stronger. I don’t think any points should be deleted. The writer emphasized in the essay that both his parents are hard workers.
4. Does the writer use subject-by-subject (block) or point-by-point (alternating) analysis? Why is that the best strategy for this essay?
The writer used subject-by-subject. I think this was the best strategy because he explains both of the people he was writing about and how they are similar and different.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I thought the arrangement of the paragraphs were good the way they were. The writer could have switched the second and third, but I don’t think it would change much. The paragraphs are connected to one another smoothly and logically and there are transitions between the paragraphs.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s comparison and/or contrast? Yes, the paragraphs are well detailed, but I think the writer could have added more about how his parents were different.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). I think all the writer’s paragraphs are unified and coherent. Each paragraph flowed right into the next paragraph and it was easy to follow.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I thought that the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the in the introduction. The writer wrote about how his mom and dad were similar in ways, but different in some ways and he explained that in the body paragraphs. The essay did not seem to go off track because he stayed on track and focused on comparing and contrasting his mom and dad. I thought the conclusion was good except it needed to be revised for spelling and grammar.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The writer needed to revise his essay and check for misspelled words and make sure to use his commas correctly.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought the essay was solid and easy to follow along. I was able to relate to this essay because my parents are similar and different in about the same ways. The writer could have added more details and points about their differences and also made sure to spell check his essay and correct grammatical errors.
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting and I wanted to know more about who the two people the writer was comparing and contrasting. The writer clearly stated who the two people were, his mom and dad.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the comparison and/or contrast? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“They of course had no choice, but they were they first people I saw and of course loved, so it is only right of me to talk about them and compare them, because they in no way are similar.”
3. Does the writer establish a basis for comparison (see “Notes on Comparison and Contrast” posted August 9th)? Which points of comparison and/or contrast need further development? Which points should be deleted? Where do significant points seem to be missing? How has the most important similarity or difference been emphasized?
Yes, the writer established a basis for comparison by comparing his mom and dad. I think the writer could have added more about how his mom and dad were different. There was information, but more points could have made and essay stronger. I don’t think any points should be deleted. The writer emphasized in the essay that both his parents are hard workers.
4. Does the writer use subject-by-subject (block) or point-by-point (alternating) analysis? Why is that the best strategy for this essay?
The writer used subject-by-subject. I think this was the best strategy because he explains both of the people he was writing about and how they are similar and different.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I thought the arrangement of the paragraphs were good the way they were. The writer could have switched the second and third, but I don’t think it would change much. The paragraphs are connected to one another smoothly and logically and there are transitions between the paragraphs.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s comparison and/or contrast? Yes, the paragraphs are well detailed, but I think the writer could have added more about how his parents were different.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). I think all the writer’s paragraphs are unified and coherent. Each paragraph flowed right into the next paragraph and it was easy to follow.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I thought that the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the in the introduction. The writer wrote about how his mom and dad were similar in ways, but different in some ways and he explained that in the body paragraphs. The essay did not seem to go off track because he stayed on track and focused on comparing and contrasting his mom and dad. I thought the conclusion was good except it needed to be revised for spelling and grammar.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The writer needed to revise his essay and check for misspelled words and make sure to use his commas correctly.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought the essay was solid and easy to follow along. I was able to relate to this essay because my parents are similar and different in about the same ways. The writer could have added more details and points about their differences and also made sure to spell check his essay and correct grammatical errors.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Michael D- "Night Walker" illustration blog
1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading?
I was a little confused as to what the writer was explaining in their introductory paragraph. The writer did not explain anything as to what he was going to write about in the other paragraphs. I think he could have added more in the first paragraph so the reader could follow along better.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I don’t think there was a clear thesis, but it was implied in the first paragraph.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
In the first paragraph, the writer talks about an experience that he had not been through before.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or illustration.
I think all the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis. The first paragraph was a bit choppy, but it still contributed to the thesis.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think the writer could have switched the first and second paragraphs. I think it would have made more sense for him to write about his background and then the experience that he went through.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?
I think the writer could have added more clear details about the situation he was in. I got a little confused at times.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
The last paragraph could have been split into two to make the last a closing paragraph. With it all being ran together it gave the essay a different feel than the rest of the story.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
The writer wrote about a time that he had never experienced before and he was able to fulfill the obligations by writing about the experience in the rest of the paragraphs. The conclusion could be improved by making a separate paragraph to wrap up the essay.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
There were some misspellings in the essay and I got confused on some of the details. The writer could have improved the essay by adding in more commas.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked the story and it was an interesting story to read. I also liked the details, but he could have added more and made sure his words were spelled correctly. Another improvement I would suggest is to make a closing paragraph. I would read the essay from bottom to top to catch the grammatical errors.
I was a little confused as to what the writer was explaining in their introductory paragraph. The writer did not explain anything as to what he was going to write about in the other paragraphs. I think he could have added more in the first paragraph so the reader could follow along better.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I don’t think there was a clear thesis, but it was implied in the first paragraph.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
In the first paragraph, the writer talks about an experience that he had not been through before.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or illustration.
I think all the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis. The first paragraph was a bit choppy, but it still contributed to the thesis.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I think the writer could have switched the first and second paragraphs. I think it would have made more sense for him to write about his background and then the experience that he went through.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s point or concept?
I think the writer could have added more clear details about the situation he was in. I got a little confused at times.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
The last paragraph could have been split into two to make the last a closing paragraph. With it all being ran together it gave the essay a different feel than the rest of the story.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
The writer wrote about a time that he had never experienced before and he was able to fulfill the obligations by writing about the experience in the rest of the paragraphs. The conclusion could be improved by making a separate paragraph to wrap up the essay.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
There were some misspellings in the essay and I got confused on some of the details. The writer could have improved the essay by adding in more commas.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I liked the story and it was an interesting story to read. I also liked the details, but he could have added more and made sure his words were spelled correctly. Another improvement I would suggest is to make a closing paragraph. I would read the essay from bottom to top to catch the grammatical errors.
Kyle D- Process "On Fire" Blog
1.Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading?
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting, because the writer wrote about a job that was awful for him and it made me want to know now about that job. Maybe he could have included more about the bad job experience he had in the introductory paragraph.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I think the thesis statement may have been implied. In the first paragraph the writer talks about having good jobs and some not being so good.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
He wrote about a job that he had over a summer and he talked about the good part of the job and the not so easy part.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
Yes, the rest of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis. The writer wrote about the easy and fun part of the job and the daily duties and he also wrote about the not so fun part of the job and it was very clear. I think he could have elaborated more about the bad part of the job or what he did day to day at work.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.
No I think the essay was good the way it was arranged. If the paragraphs were arranged differently then it may have changed the entire feeling. There weren’t any paragraphs the seemed to be out of order.
6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
I think the paragraphs were connected to one another smoothly and logically. The writer used good transition statements to go from one paragraph and thought to the other. I think the writer could have added more details about his bad experience. The paragraphs I thought seemed a bit short.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I think the last paragraph could be fixed. There really wasn’t a closing paragraph so the writer could have included the information in the closing paragraph to the paragraph about the easy part of the job and then make a closing paragraph to wrap up the essay.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think the writer accomplished everything promised in the introduction. It was right on track, but the final paragraph could have been split up to make a closing paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
I think the writer used strong sentences and he used his commas very well and effectively. The sentences were short, so the writer could improve that part of the essay.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
The essay was very interesting and easy to read. I thought the writer kept on point and didn’t get off subject in all of the paragraphs. I liked how the writer wrote about his own experience and what he liked about the job and what he didn’t like about the job. I think the writer could have made his sentences longer and stronger to support the essay and make a closing paragraph. My suggestion to the writer is to elaborate more about his experience to make the sentences longer and stronger. Overall, I thought the essay was solid and a good read.
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting, because the writer wrote about a job that was awful for him and it made me want to know now about that job. Maybe he could have included more about the bad job experience he had in the introductory paragraph.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I think the thesis statement may have been implied. In the first paragraph the writer talks about having good jobs and some not being so good.
3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
He wrote about a job that he had over a summer and he talked about the good part of the job and the not so easy part.
4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
Yes, the rest of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis. The writer wrote about the easy and fun part of the job and the daily duties and he also wrote about the not so fun part of the job and it was very clear. I think he could have elaborated more about the bad part of the job or what he did day to day at work.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.
No I think the essay was good the way it was arranged. If the paragraphs were arranged differently then it may have changed the entire feeling. There weren’t any paragraphs the seemed to be out of order.
6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
I think the paragraphs were connected to one another smoothly and logically. The writer used good transition statements to go from one paragraph and thought to the other. I think the writer could have added more details about his bad experience. The paragraphs I thought seemed a bit short.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I think the last paragraph could be fixed. There really wasn’t a closing paragraph so the writer could have included the information in the closing paragraph to the paragraph about the easy part of the job and then make a closing paragraph to wrap up the essay.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think the writer accomplished everything promised in the introduction. It was right on track, but the final paragraph could have been split up to make a closing paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
I think the writer used strong sentences and he used his commas very well and effectively. The sentences were short, so the writer could improve that part of the essay.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
The essay was very interesting and easy to read. I thought the writer kept on point and didn’t get off subject in all of the paragraphs. I liked how the writer wrote about his own experience and what he liked about the job and what he didn’t like about the job. I think the writer could have made his sentences longer and stronger to support the essay and make a closing paragraph. My suggestion to the writer is to elaborate more about his experience to make the sentences longer and stronger. Overall, I thought the essay was solid and a good read.
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