1. Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be analyzed? Can you tell if causes (a number of television programs or characters), effects (positive influences or benefits), or both will be emphasized?
Yes, I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting. The writer wrote about a few shows that had influence on their life and then transitioned into the body paragraphs explaining other shows and characters.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the analysis? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
I don’t think there was a clear thesis statement, but the writer writes in his first paragraph about the television programs that they thought were positive influences on themselves.
3. Does the writer include a sufficient number of programs or characters (cause) and positive results (effect)? Why or why not? What other causes or effects should the writer consider?
Yes, the writer included many different tv shows and characters that had a positive effect. I thought the writer could have included more information about how the positive influenced their life more and gave examples of it.
4. Are the causes/effects reasonable or believable and not too far fetched? Does the author make any creative connections or offer anything that surprises you—or does the analysis seem obvious? Explain.
I think the causes/effects were reasonable and not far fetched at all. I was able to relate to some of the tv shows they talked about because I too watched the same shows and had a positive effect. I also think the author made some creative connections when explaining the characters, because I watched the same shows and they brought new ideas to my attention.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
The paragraphs in this essay I thought were arranged well, but maybe the author could have grouped the tv shows and characters together more effectively. They were also connected to one another smoothly and logically and the transitions were good, because the paragraphs flowed nicely.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s cause and/or effect analysis?
I think the author did a good job of explaining the tv show and the characters, but I think it would have been more effective if they wrote more about how the characters influenced their life and give examples.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
All the writer’s paragraphs were unified and coherent. There were a few misspellings and some word phrases were used incorrectly, but they can be corrected easily.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
Yes, the writer has fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction. The writer started the paragraph about how tv shows and characters had a positive influence on them and they went into writing about the characters and why they were a positive influence. The conclusion could have been improved by being little longer in summing up the essay in one paragraph.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
I thought most of the sentences were effective, but there were a few misspellings and some grammatical issues.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought this was a good essay to read and I was able to relate to it very well. There was good detail, but there were some misspelled words and there were a few words used incorrectly. Also the author could have added more examples on how the characters and tv shows affected their life. Other than that it was a good essay and fun read.
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