1.Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? Does the introduction specify clearly what is to be compared and/or contrasted?
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting and I wanted to know more about who the two people the writer was comparing and contrasting. The writer clearly stated who the two people were, his mom and dad.
2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s point or purpose for the comparison and/or contrast? Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
“They of course had no choice, but they were they first people I saw and of course loved, so it is only right of me to talk about them and compare them, because they in no way are similar.”
3. Does the writer establish a basis for comparison (see “Notes on Comparison and Contrast” posted August 9th)? Which points of comparison and/or contrast need further development? Which points should be deleted? Where do significant points seem to be missing? How has the most important similarity or difference been emphasized?
Yes, the writer established a basis for comparison by comparing his mom and dad. I think the writer could have added more about how his mom and dad were different. There was information, but more points could have made and essay stronger. I don’t think any points should be deleted. The writer emphasized in the essay that both his parents are hard workers.
4. Does the writer use subject-by-subject (block) or point-by-point (alternating) analysis? Why is that the best strategy for this essay?
The writer used subject-by-subject. I think this was the best strategy because he explains both of the people he was writing about and how they are similar and different.
5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Explain.
I thought the arrangement of the paragraphs were good the way they were. The writer could have switched the second and third, but I don’t think it would change much. The paragraphs are connected to one another smoothly and logically and there are transitions between the paragraphs.
6. Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific examples to help illustrate the writer’s comparison and/or contrast? Yes, the paragraphs are well detailed, but I think the writer could have added more about how his parents were different.
7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns). I think all the writer’s paragraphs are unified and coherent. Each paragraph flowed right into the next paragraph and it was easy to follow.
8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I thought that the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the in the introduction. The writer wrote about how his mom and dad were similar in ways, but different in some ways and he explained that in the body paragraphs. The essay did not seem to go off track because he stayed on track and focused on comparing and contrasting his mom and dad. I thought the conclusion was good except it needed to be revised for spelling and grammar.
9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, or switches in verb tense, etc.)
The writer needed to revise his essay and check for misspelled words and make sure to use his commas correctly.
10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
I thought the essay was solid and easy to follow along. I was able to relate to this essay because my parents are similar and different in about the same ways. The writer could have added more details and points about their differences and also made sure to spell check his essay and correct grammatical errors.
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