Kyle D- Process "On Fire" Blog

1.Is the introductory paragraph interesting? Why or why not? What does the writer give you to make you want to continue reading?
I thought the introductory paragraph was interesting, because the writer wrote about a job that was awful for him and it made me want to know now about that job. Maybe he could have included more about the bad job experience he had in the introductory paragraph.

2. Is there a clear thesis statement? Can you find a sentence (or two) that reveals the writer’s purpose?
I think the thesis statement may have been implied. In the first paragraph the writer talks about having good jobs and some not being so good.


3. Type the sentence(s) below that you believe to be the writer’s thesis statement. If the thesis is implied, state it in your own words below.
He wrote about a job that he had over a summer and he talked about the good part of the job and the not so easy part.

4. Do all of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis? Is it clear to you how each of the paragraphs relate to the process the writer is examining? Are any of the required steps or stages left out? Point out any paragraph(s) that you have difficulty relating to the thesis statement or process.
Yes, the rest of the paragraphs contribute to the development of the thesis. The writer wrote about the easy and fun part of the job and the daily duties and he also wrote about the not so fun part of the job and it was very clear. I think he could have elaborated more about the bad part of the job or what he did day to day at work.

5. Would the essay improve if the paragraphs were arranged differently? Why/why not? Note any paragraph that seems out of order.
No I think the essay was good the way it was arranged. If the paragraphs were arranged differently then it may have changed the entire feeling. There weren’t any paragraphs the seemed to be out of order.

6. Are the paragraphs connected to one another smoothly and logically? Are there transitions between paragraphs that help you understand how the writer’s ideas are connected? Do individual paragraphs seem well detailed? What suggestions would you make about adding/subtracting specific details?
I think the paragraphs were connected to one another smoothly and logically. The writer used good transition statements to go from one paragraph and thought to the other. I think the writer could have added more details about his bad experience. The paragraphs I thought seemed a bit short.

7. Are all of the writer’s paragraphs unified and coherent? Indicate which paragraphs have any sentences that seem irrelevant (“unity” concerns) or out of order (“coherence” concerns).
I think the last paragraph could be fixed. There really wasn’t a closing paragraph so the writer could have included the information in the closing paragraph to the paragraph about the easy part of the job and then make a closing paragraph to wrap up the essay.

8. Go back and read the first and last paragraph. Has the writer fulfilled the obligations he or she established in the introduction? Does the writer accomplish everything promised in the introduction, or does the essay go off track or seem to switch focus? Why or why not? How can the conclusion be improved?
I think the writer accomplished everything promised in the introduction. It was right on track, but the final paragraph could have been split up to make a closing paragraph.

9. Now look at sentences. Does the writer have sentences that strike you as effective because they include strong verbs, specific details, memorable phrases, or striking images? Does the writer have any words they repeat too often, use incorrectly, or misspells? Finally, does the writer have any tendencies for error they should be made aware of? (Think comma splices, run-on sentences, switches in verb tense, etc.)
I think the writer used strong sentences and he used his commas very well and effectively. The sentences were short, so the writer could improve that part of the essay.

10. Write a summary comment that explains what you like best about the paper. Then, describe the two features of the paper that most need improvement. What suggestion(s) for overcoming these problems do you have?
The essay was very interesting and easy to read. I thought the writer kept on point and didn’t get off subject in all of the paragraphs. I liked how the writer wrote about his own experience and what he liked about the job and what he didn’t like about the job. I think the writer could have made his sentences longer and stronger to support the essay and make a closing paragraph. My suggestion to the writer is to elaborate more about his experience to make the sentences longer and stronger. Overall, I thought the essay was solid and a good read.